One of the most frequently asked questions from married couples is how to survive in a marriage with no sexual intimacy. Most people do not talk about this issue with other people because they may feel embarrassed and all alone in this type of a marriage.
I am here to personally tell many of those people who are living in a sexless marriage that you are not alone. The statics on this ever growing problem do not even begin to take into account the many people that are not participating in these statical poles. On average I would guess by the staggering amount of clients that I have helped and confided in me that it is about 50% or more of couples that are living in a sexless marriages.
When I refer to a sexless marriage that would include a couple that has gone without sex for over 6 months, some experts may say three months others may say one year, but when we say three months a person may be recovering from an illness or pregnancy. Most of your medical issues will resolve themselves in a six month time period and if not than the health related issues has now become a part of the marriage.
Reason why a marriage may become sexless
1. After a child is born into a family there is a period of about three months when the adjustment may take place, after that time if couples do not resume back to having sexual intimacy, it may develop into a sexless marriage.
2. Health related issues, hormones for women, pregnancy, perimenopause, menopause, and other health related issues. For a man he could have prostate problem, erectile dysfunction, depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder.
3. Unresolved anger from a spouse, the woman is angry with her husband and does not feel sexual towards him and turns him away, and eventfully he gives up trying to be intimate with her.
4. Loss of interest in spouse due to excess weight gain, controlling spouse, nagging, winning, anger issues, loss of sexual desire and continual yelling.
5. A woman no longer see’s her husband as being masculine, and loses her sexual desire for him, she wants him to not be intimated by her and to initate the sex in the marriage and desire her and date her again.
6. A man feels as though his wife is to controlling, she puts him down, does not appreciate him and has pushed him a way one too many times and now he is thinking about having an affair.
7. The married couple has become roommates, barely communicating with one another, living a life of being with each other for the sake of the children, loss of desire and passion for one another.
These are the top 7 reasons why a couple will fall into a sexless marriage, there are other reasons but these are the most common.
How to resolve a sexless marriage
What can a married couple do when they are experiencing these problems in the marriage?
1. Address the problem with your spouse, and do not brush it under the table. Many times couples just forget that the other person does not know what they are thinking. They have lost touch with the person that they married to.
2. Get to know your spouse again, take the time to sit and talk and figure out what the two of you want from the marriage. Express what a happy marriage would look like to you. Be clear about what you want to say to your spouse. Write out what your needs are in a marriage from your point of view, do not blame each other but clearly state what a marriage looks like to you and what you want to make your marriage more fulfilled and better.
3. If it is a medical issue, get help for it. Go to the doctor and get your hormones checked, a blood panel done. Both husband and wife need to get a physical and blood work done if they have no libido, just to rule out any medical condition. If a man is on an anti-depressant, he should understand and relate to his wife that he may have problem with ejaculation and that they will have to work on things together, (there are products for men to help them with reaching climax) The same goes for a woman if she is on an anti-depressants it will also affect her libido.
4. When deciding to have sex again with your spouse, take it slow, and begin with getting to know each other’s bodies again. When first getting back to love making, do not make it about the end result, take the time to have extended foreplay with one another without the pressure of intercourse.
5. If your spouse is not willing to acknowledge the problem or get help for the sexless marriage than get help yourself, figure out what you may need to do in your life and your marriage. Do not run out and cheat this will only cause more problems. The one thing that is a deal breaker in a marriage is if one spouse if feeling depressed and upset and unhappy in the marriage because of lack of sex do not ignore it. This not going to go away, and living in a marriage without sex if one really desires and wants it, it is very difficult to go without it and it will create tension and stress in the home.
6. There are many wonderful sexual aids on the market to help couples overcome sexual dysfunction, lack of libido, erectile dysfunction, dry vagina, and dull sex. The first step though, is wanting to do something about the lack of sex in the marriage and how to bring the love making back to the relationship. A husband and wife who both decide that they want to make it work, will most likely succeed, it is about making the decision to work on the marriage rather than walking away from the marriage or cheating.