What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?
I decided to become a Dating Coach back in 2008 after a friend suggested I start writing about my dating experiences since I seemed to find it fun and interesting.
I had been in a 7 year marriage and found myself single, in a brand new city with very few friends. To me dating was the vehicle I decided to use to rebuild my new life, rediscover who I was and who I wanted to be.
Come to find out, it was one hell of a ride and so I took my friend up on their suggestion and started writing about it.
What I thought would be simple blogs, turned out to leading me to a path as a Dating Coach. I didn’t even know they existed!
What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?
My dating life was a blast, with some schooling that had to be had early on. A buddy of mine took my under his wing and taught me the “ropes” of dating. Thanks to him, he taught me what guys meant when they did certain things, what pitfalls to avoid and when a guy was being an asshole and to run like hell.
After having a few bumps and bruises, it became an adventure from there. I was able to learn so much about myself by going out on dates and hearing other people’s stories. I learned what I liked, what I couldn’t stand and what I wanted more of.
How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?
Being a dating coach affected my love life when the guys I dated got insecure about it. However, the confident ones weren’t affected by it. In terms of my relationships, it’s forced me to get real answers for myself. I feel a keen sense of responsibility with what I do for people, so I remain vigilant to what’s going on inside of me and finding answers for myself, in hopes to give my answers away to my clients.
Do I follow the same rules? Yes and no. Yes because I emphasize heavily on being vulnerable. It’s become part of my makeup so I’ll always do my best to be true to that aspect. In terms of not applying my own rules, I will always be my own guinea pig.
With that said, I’m always stretching things and crossing boundaries. I want to find new rules. If I’m giving the same rules 5 years later, that means I haven’t grown and my clients won’t grow as a result. That to me is unacceptable.
What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?
The most important thing when I’m giving relationship advice to my clients is to make sure I’m hearing their story and that I follow my intuition. There is no one path for every client. Every person is unique and so my advice needs to be unique to their needs. Following my intuition keeps me vigilant to giving them the advice that will give them the answers they’re searching for.
What is the most asked question from your client? And why?
Everyone wants to know why they haven’t found their someone. Essentially they’re asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “What I’m doing wrong?” We’re used to getting what we want, when we want. Love doesn’t work that way. Nine out of 10 times, it’s an inside job. It’s my job to hold the flashlight to what’s going on inside and shine light into it.
Do you have some requirements for your clients?
My requirements are that my clients can follow direction and remain pliable. If someone is stubborn and set in their ways, it’s a deal breaker. My advice to them is stay single and hope some push over will put up with their crap.
Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advices?
The universal strategy that works for all dating advice is to really love yourself and love yourself damn well. The challenge is it’s a challenge. We’re taught to bully ourselves more than love ourselves. Everyone thinks it’s such a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason. It works and invites real love in your life, period.
Do you have a specific dating advice for BBW?
My advice for BBW is to fall in love with you. Love the parts that bring you true joy and if there’s an area you’re not satisfied with, focus to get your desired results. But do not hold someone else accountable for your validation. Validate yourself, it’s your job and you’re worth it! That advice is for everyone.
Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relation?
Stubbornness and an inability to forgive is the quickest way to stay single. Some people take pride in these so-called “traits” thinking they make them strong. BS. Those two traits make you lonely.
How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?
Dating apps have taken away peoples excuses. In the past, singles used to always complain to me that there was no one in their area. Now we’re complaining there are too people. Quit complaining and get out there and date. Let go of your agenda and take the time to enjoy the people you date.
If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?
The one piece of advice I have for singles that are looking for a partner is get real with yourself.
Be honest with yourself, do you really want a partner or is it pressure from society or time? Ask yourself how great your relationships are with the people around you? Chances are if you’re struggling with the relationships around you, you have some work to do and a new partner won’t alleviate that.
If the answer is still yes, then start taking chances. Get out and date. Take good care of yourself and love yourself very well in the process. Keep your heart and mind open. Don’t dictate your journey, because that will get you frustrated from 0-100 real quick. Let go, breathe and find what you enjoy about the people that come across your path. This type of momentum and genuine curiosity sets you up to meet your partner when you least expect it!
This is the end of our interview with Arica Angelo. Check back our nearmegirls.com blog next week and read more interview in our dating coach interview series!