Has it been so long that you’re wondering if you still know how to do it? Every married couple has been there. You start off strong as newlyweds; maybe you had sex every day (or multiple times a day). Then, somewhere along the line, the honeymoon ends, real life takes over, and you can’t remember the last time you did the deed. The first step in correcting this problem is recognizing what exactly is getting in the way of your sex life. So, here are the top five things keeping you from doing it:
Most people today have non-stop schedules that have them jetting off to work, school, activities, such as going to the gym and running errands, and finally trying to spend time with loved ones. Sleep is an afterthought. Truly, it’s a rat race, and you probably have no idea how to get off the wheel.
Solution: Find even 15 minutes per day to nap or simply readjust your schedule – by eliminating unnecessary tasks or coming home about 15 minutes earlier – to recharge your batteries. If all else fails, have sex even if you’re sleepy. Sometimes, you start out just going through the motions and then it’s on like Donkey Kong, so just go with it.
One of the reasons you are so tired is that you’re super stressed. You’re worrying about paying the bills, getting that promotion at work (so you can pay those bills), and keeping your marriage on track. Maybe you have kids, and you’re worried about them, too. Then, there are all those to-dos, including cleaning out the garage, getting a mammogram, planning your parent’s anniversary party. What’s a person to do?
Solution: Find ways to de-stress with your partner. That way, you will spend quality time together, get relaxed, and be available to one another for some love making if you know what I mean. I know you do.
If you have children, you know they have a way of getting in the way of your alone time. Sure, they bring great joy and rewards you never imagined. But they jump into your bed when they have nightmares or come asking for milk when you’re cuddling. Their very presence makes it impossible to have sex spontaneously in the middle of the day as you might have once done before children.
Solution: Of course, you love your kids and enjoy spending time with them. But once in a while – for the sake of your marriage – get a babysitter. If a family member can watch them at his or her place, then that’s even better. You can get the house to yourselves, have a real date night, and let the rest fall into place.
4. Lack of Self Confidence
This is one of the toughest challenges in a relationship. Some of us are not comfortable in our own skin. Or you have recently gained weight or something else that altered your appearance. And you just don’t feel like yourself. Maybe you’re even sad or depressed. When you don’t feel attractive, you don’t usually feel like having sex. Perhaps, you are willing to make love but only if you’re in complete darkness.
Solution: You should feel comfortable enough with your spouse that any fluctuations in weight or appearance should not matter. Of course, your spouse might not even notice what you have noticed about yourself. Regardless, it comes down to you feeling better about yourself.
Start to think positively, repeat mantras that reinforce your self-worth, and do things that make you feel good, such as working out or taking a walk. Of course, if you can’t lift your own spirits, seek professional help. Try not to keep your spouse in the dark about what’s going on. You’d be surprised how supportive most husbands and wives can be.
5. Anger and Resentment
Love and war sometimes go hand in hand. Every marriage has the fight that never ends and moments in time when husband and wife are entrenched in disagreement. When you are feeling anger toward your partner, the last thing you want to do is make love.
Solution: Make peace. Find a way to compromise and resolve whatever is getting in the way of your marriage – not to mention sex life. Learn how to apologize or forgive or both. Move on and make love. Sure, it’s a little more complicated than this. I know. But it’s probably not as hard as you’re making it out to be. It almost never is.