Making friends sometimes is not as easy as we would all expect. In fact, most adults might feel that it was easier to make friends when they were teenagers. Walking towards a child during lunch or recess when we were children was generally easy, simple and painless.
It was even easy to meet new people constantly in college, where making friends in class or on a sports team was simple. But when you’re a working adult, it’s harder to just go out and try to make friends with a total stranger. It would be strange if you walked to a random person in the park and asked if they wanted to hang out, right?
I have a friend with benefits and I would like some advice on how to handle it. Both the single girls and I have agreed that we do not want relationships at this time, but we have sex on a fairly regular basis. How can I prevent this from disappearing or becoming a relationship?
Well, let’s see … I’ve been in this situation many times and it has worked quite well. I’m still friends with most of my former FWB, but it’s like a male orgasm. There is a lot of accumulation, it feels great for you two, they are working that advantage, keeping it working the best they can, then there is an explosion, then they need some cooling time before they can have more interaction. The slower you take it, the longer it will last.
In the course of my love life, I discovered that the best way to maintain these arrangements is with a low frequency of interaction; if you see the same woman three times a week for a connection situation … friend, your ship is sunk. That is a relationship. Period.
My litmus test: if my FWB collides with me in a social environment and is upset because I am talking to another HB, we are too deeply for an FWB fix.
This is very easy to avoid by seeing it only once every few weeks. If you connect with an FWB every 3-6 weeks, and she bumps into you in a free week, in your local den, running another box, she will be “active” and try to get your attention. – Which, of course, will only add fuel to the fire, and you will practically have your choice that night: HB or FWB. (* Note: if you leave your FWB and drive the HB, you are likely to lose the FWB. The best course of action is to close the HB, pretend another commitment, but tell your FWB to meet you at the change of venue more later, then label it that night and continue with the HB a day later).
Its hard to befriend someone who has or has had self injury problem since you probably have no idea how they feel and what they live through everyday. some have so much pain built up and those that want a friend should have oe who can almost understand how they feel most of the time.
- The first step is to learn to accept that your friend is harming themselves. You should also accept that they will need you more then your other friends will. They will need a shoulder to cry on. Or maybe they’ll need someone to talk for hours too. Or maybe they wont say anything at all and you need to learn to accept that too.
- The second step is understanding your friends situation. Is he/she depressed or cutting him/herself to severely? You have to know that that its not just a cut on the wrist and a little blood. Its emotion, pain, and tears. Or is your friend cutting for a aimless reason and calling themselves “emo”? If so you should explain to them how serious self injury is.
- Thirdly you need to bond with them like you would with any other friend. But remember to respect their decisions and their privacy. Maybe you and your other friends like a day at the mall. But maybe this person likes hanging out at home. Or vice versa. Either way its important that your up to try some new things.
- Accepting, understanding, and bonding are the three important terms to help you be a better friend. And not only to people to self harm or who are dperessed but too everyone.
But returning to the original question, I have been able to maintain this agreement for long periods of time, but that involved large amounts of travel (for business and pleasure) and many commitments without any viable communication (such as offshore racing). Here’s why: there are spacers and followers. And if you are distancing yourself, she will follow you. If you hit him three times a week, he is likely to (a) develop feelings and press you into a relationship, or (b) become the spacer, which makes you the follower and * whoomp * you’re done.
“So how do I get enough sex to satisfy my desire?” questions … well, you need to have multiple FWB’s. It’s that simple If you drive a sports car every day to go to work, it will break down. If you have ten among those you alternate, they will all last longer and you will have a much richer experience.
Which brings me to my real advice: after more than 20 years of doing so, I can tell you that this is something difficult to maintain, and I’ve never been very good at separating sex and emotion (so I end up falling into the trap she la most of the time); The key is communication, and if you start to fall in love with her, or with her, you should have that discussion immediately, to prevent people’s feelings from being trampled on.
I hope it works for both of us.
Right. For these reasons, single girls need alternative methods to make friends in the real world. Fortunately for your friend seekers, we have found seven ways to find friends in the world today. Hopefully, you will find that this article gives you the momentum and help you need.